Strength Is What I'll Be
by 45wan23
Summary: Sorry for all the depressing stories, happy stories will be back soon. This story is inspired by my past. I'm a ex 'cutter'. If any of you are going through a tough time, please hang in there. I promise you it gets better. Suicide and Cutting are not the solution. Having friends and family really make life worth living. If any of you need anything, my inbox is always open. Oneshot.


I threw my head down onto my bed with a thud, my pillow canceling out the sound of my tears and cries. I was done, I was more than done, I don't know how long I've been done but all I know is that being done means I can't take it anymore, and when I can't take it… bad stuff will happen. I wouldn't go to extremes like committing suicide, but a more… pleasurable way of getting rid of my wasteful emotions.

Cutting.

This was a common thing for me, my life isn't as perfect as you would think, and sometimes I can't take it. I wear a jacket or long sleeves to school so that no one can see my scares. Sometimes if it's really hot outside I'll just wear 10 thick wrist bands on the arm that I penetrated with the razor onto my skin...

Where was I…

I bit the pillow as tears streamed down my cheeks. "He's only a boy" I try reminding myself. "Only a boy.. Only a boy…" I think it was time to let out my pain a little. I get up from my bed, holding back the tears until I reached the bathroom so no one could hear me. I walk into the bathroom and lock the door. I looked up and gazed at my reflection. Oh Sammie… what happened to you? What happened to that girl that was always happy no matter what? Who took her away… Then the boy's face that I thought loved me back appeared in my head, which pushed me even further to do it. I reach under the sink and grabbed the new razor. I plucked at the tip, making sure it was clean and sharp to swipe across my skin with ease like butter. Holding out my arm, wrist up, I take one slash to my arm, cutting into it nice and slow as the blood trickled down my arm, dripping to the floor. Taking a deep breath as I finished, I pull back to see the damage. As soon as I draw the razor to my skin, ready to make another cut, my phone vibrated in my back pocket. I hoped and begged that it wasn't him, texting to say he was sorry, texting to say he wants me back, texting to say he still loved me…

I gently put the bloody razor down on the white sink counter and cleaned off my hands to reach for my phone. To my surprise it wasn't him… It was my best friend…

Glitch.

He always likes to text me at the wrong times. Even though he's my best friend, I've never told him about my addiction… my "problem" if you will. I clicked on "Open" to read his message.

_'Hey Sammie, what's up? [ :'_

I smiled and knew that he was the always happy, energetic kind of guy. He was kind of like the old me in a way. I decided to text him back. I press my thumb down on the 'Reply' button.

_'I'm in pain… can I text you later… byee.'_

Pressing down on the 'Send' button, I knew he would catch my sign. Glitch was clever at figuring out things, I hope he could save me from this hell somehow. Almost instantly, he texts back. I think I worried him.

_'Should I come over?'_

I froze at the words he wrote. Come over? He would see the blood… the razor… my fresh new cut… I panicked and quickly wrote back.

_'I don't think that's a good idea.'_

Again pressing the 'Send' button, I'm left to stare at the bloody razor that sat in front of me, calling for me, begging to be slicing open my flesh once more… it was yearning for my blood…

The vibration broke me out of my train of thought and read the text that came from my best friend.

_'I'm coming over'_

I froze and dropped my phone in the sink. He's coming?! I didn't think he really would! It was midnight, how in the hell would he get here? I spoke to soon as I remembered Mo would drive him. I soon calm down and clean off the bloody razor and stick it back under the sink and clean up the mess. I walk silently back to my room and lock the door without a sound. I unlock my window and lay in my bed as I wait for him to come. We've done this many times before, sneaking into my house just to hangout. I looked down at my arm, even though it was only once slice, it hurt so bad, and still bleeding. I put gauze over it to stop the blood flow, and then lay down on my bed. Like I said, it was midnight and I was tired. I soon feel asleep to the sound of my TV on the 'Soft Music' channel…

I herd to what seemed to be knife clashing together… It was loud and startled me… I open my eyes and my room looked different. The walls were this blood color and when I looked closer… It was blood. My blood to be exact. Terrified, I run out of my room to the kitchen, not the smartest place to run. I stop to catch my breath, putting one of my hands onto the counter. I look up and checked my surroundings. Everything seemed normal… until that sound came back. I took a sharp turn of my head to the left to see him… the boy I loved… holding two giant knifes… clashing them together. I blinked a couple times and back up into a corner. He cornered me and started to say the meanest things..

"I never loved you, you're so ugly, who would ever love you, your family hates you, and you're a nothing…"

He kept coming up with these horrible things; I covered my ears and slid my back down the wall, curling up into a ball to hide my face. He swung the knife in the air and connected it with my back. I arched my pain in pain screaming, but not a sound came out, I seemed to have been put on mute. He did a slight smirk and did a light chuckle.

"I thought you like the pain…"

That struck my heart. I never said I liked pain… Oh the pain…

Soon I feel my back being rubbed, taking the pain away. 'What could this be?' I thought looking up.

"Wake up Sammie!"

I felt a jolt and soon awoken, catching my breath. I looked up to see Glitch; my head was in his lap as his arms caressing my sides, stroking the side of my face to keep me calm.

"I'd thought you'd never wake up"

He said smiling running the back of his hand down my wet cheek. I smiled back and snuggled up against his chest, feeling safe… I always felt safe in his arms… wait… does that mean I…

Glitch took my mind off what I was thinking and had me focusing on his green eyes.

"Why are you in pain?"

He asked in the most gentle of ways, his voice sounding like the velvet of satin that princesses wear. I take in a deep breath of his scent and tried to find a way to answer his question.

"The guy I love, well, "loved", played me and.. yeah.."

I said looking away. Glitch seemed to have hugged me tighter, understanding my pain… taking my pain…

"Oh, but it's only mental pain right?.."

I froze, I stopped my breathing. I felt as if he just caught me red handed. What would I tell him, I can't lie to him, not to my best friend, not to the guy I possibly…

I stayed silent, letting him figure out what I was trying to scream out.

"Let me see your arms…"

He said in the most mono tone voice I have ever herd. I didn't show him, I refused to show him. Glitch let go of my sides and tried to force my arms over.

"Let me see!"

He yelled out. Tears started streaming down my cheeks once more. Unfortunately Glitch was stronger than me and managed to take the gauze off and flip my arm over, revealing the gash on my right wrist. I looked away, I couldn't bear to see his reaction, or to what he would say, let alone, what he would do…

I continue to cry as I looked away, tears blinding my sight. Then the unexpected happened.

I felt him raise my arm up; I look back at him to see what he was doing. Glitch brought my arm up to his soft lips and kissed the cut. I look at him with watery eyes, questioning him why he did that. Glitch pulled me into his chest gently, but firmly. I held onto his chest, crying into it, murmuring words into it. I felt him hold on to the back of my head and lower back. He pulled back and kissed my cheek, then returning to his previous position.

"I know what your feeling, I remember you wearing jackets and long sleeve shirts to school, I kind of of noticed something, but thought you were stronger than that so I didn't think of it. Now I know what you can and can't take, let me be your strength…"

Glitch pleaded as he hugged me tighter. I didn't know what to say. Do I say yes? Do I said no? But his next action completely changed me forever.

"I don't need an answer…"

Glitch said pulling away. I thought this was going to go one of 2 ways.

He would leave

Or 2. He would want to talk about it.

But no.. Something way different…

Glitch reached for my face, as his thumb rubbed my cheek, clearing the tears. He brought me close to his lips.

"Just show me…"

And with those words, his lips came crashing down against mine. So caring and passionate, taking every bit of pain I had until I felt numb. Not numb as in dead, but numb as in flying. I figured out that the guy I have been friends with, has been the guy I loved this whole time. As he pulls away from the kiss, I collapse into his chest, feeling him kiss the top of my head.

"Strength is what you need, so **strength is what I'll be…"**


End file.
